Posts by Reopened Mind

27

New Job

by LouBelle in

jw
friends

i was fortunate to be recommended for a sales position by a former colleague.

the company phoned me and we set up an interview.

i accepted their offer - it is nearly double what i earn at the moment.

Reopened Mind

LouBelle,

Your perserverance has paid off. So happy for you.

Reopened Mind

63

First Post...Hi everyone! Thanks for all of your help over the years!

by stuckinarut2 in

jw
friends

well... as they say on talk back radio "i'm a long time listener, first time caller"(poster in this case!).

i have been a "lurker" for several years, but never had the courage to take the step and join up...until now.. i really want to thank everyone for their insights and comments throughout the forum.

although i have not contibuted to discussions, i have benefitted very much from all of your comments and observations on all topics.

Reopened Mind

Hi stuckinarut2,

Of course we're interested in your story. Post away. Looking forward to hearing more. As others have said, be cautious. If you would be more comfortable you could post in the members only section.

We all know how much courage it takes to come on this public forum, especially if there are still concerns about family.

You have taken the first step toward living an authentic life. Not saying it will be easy but it will be rewarding in so many ways.

Reopened Mind

23

40 Years Today

by Still Totally ADD in

jw
friends

yes that's right reopened mind and me have been married 40 years ago today.

we had a little party today at our uu congregation.

we brought wine for the pot luck dinner we had today.

Still Totally ADD and I were married 40 years ago in a kingdom hall in Florida. Before they would let us use the hall we had to be questioned as to whether we had done anything to bring reproach on Jehovah, ie, did we have any form of sex? And was everyone in our wedding party in good standing in the congregation? I walked down the aisle in a pink satin wedding dress. My husband told me later, much later, that the rumor mill was working overtime speculating whether or not I was a virgin!!!

I am so much happier in our UU congregation; no condescention, no judgment, just genuine happiness for us.

To my husband: We've had good times and we've had rough times and we've been made stronger and closer for it. I couldn't have chosen a better life partner. My love and respect and admiration for you has grown so much over the years and especially since we left the cult together. Love you very much.

Reopened Mind

55

One of the big reasons I left the JW Cult

by Still Totally ADD in

jw
friends

he would love to see you.

i would tell them please come out anyway he would just love to see you.

i saw the lack of love and could not believe it.

Reopened Mind

And this is one of the big reasons I left with my husband, Still Totally ADD.

Reopened Mind

64

I'm not trying to brag, but being an EXJW is awesome!!! Status Update-

by Coffee House Girl in

jw
friends

hello jwn!

i don't get to check in here or comment as often as i would like because i have been working so hard at school...but i just have to share my news in hopes that newbees can see that taking the leap to enroll in higher education is worth it-.

i am graduating this spring with a bachelor degree in art history, minor anthropology...many people (including nonjw's have given me flack for choosing a "dead end" career path) but since leaving the watchtower organization's group-think mentality and "leaning on my own understanding" instead... i decided to say fuck everyone else's opinion...i am going to pursue my passion to work in a museum as a curator or archivist-.

Reopened Mind

I'm so happy for you Coffee House Girl!!! Living your dream is awesome.

All my best to you and Coffee House Guy.

Reopened Mind

21

HAPPY WEDDING ANNIVERSARY MR & MRS SMIDDY

by smiddy in

53 years ago we got married in a kh by a bro.

about 20 years ago my wife and i, and two children left the cult , and have never been happier .. wifey was happy with the flowers i gave her and this evening we will go for a quiet dinner at a restuarant with a bottle or two of champers and if i`m lucky i may even get desserts , or not.. smiddy.

Reopened Mind

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO YOU!!!

Like you my husband & I were married in a KH almost 40 years ago. Unlike you though we raised our 2 boys in the cult. We celebrated our wedding anniversary as a family day where we gave presents to each other and the kids. We felt bad that we were "allowed" to give each other presents but there was no day for the children. Since our grown children are still in the WT cult we can only celebrate our anniversaries with each other. At least we made it out together.

53 years together is a great accomplishment. Congratulations to you both.

Reopened Mind

32

What has happened to AJWRB?

by Haelcer in

does anyone know what going on with ajwrb's website?.

"this domain maybe for sale!

buy it now!

Reopened Mind

I was an active Jehovah's Witness when I first read the information on ajwrb.org. I found a reference to the site in an article in the Gainesville (FL) Sun. It was my first venture on an "apostate" website. It changed my mind completely regarding how I felt about accepting a blood transfusion. It also opened the door to exploring other websites and eventually walking away from the organization.

On the day my second son was born in 1982 (before HLCs) the head of the pediatric intensive care nursery told me as I was awakening from an emergency C-section that my baby would not live the day out if I did not let him have a blood transfusion. Well, not only did he not get a transfusion, but he lived and thrived. That experience made me a strong supporter of the Watchtower's ban on transfusions. When I read Lee Elder's letters to the Society and their dodgy replies I began to realize that transfusions of whole blood were necessary in certain instances to save a life.

I am very grateful to Lee Elder for his very informative site on blood. It is a reasonable and informative site. Glad to hear it is coming back.

Reopened Mind

8

Interview with an apostate: Hillfy54321

by Hillfy54321 in

tell us a little about yourself and your family.. im sixty years old, and i am a second generation jw.. were you a born in or a convert?.

i was a born in.. are your parents / family jws?.

my parents were both witnesses, as also was my oldest sister, though they are all now deceased.

Reopened Mind

Hello Hillfy54321 and welcome to JWN.

I too am 60 years old. While I was not born into the JW religion but my 59 year old husband was. I have learned a lot from him what it was like growing up in the Organization. Unfortunately we raised 2 boys in the cult before we started waking up 6 years ago.

" I had health problems and became quite depressed with the lack of genuine love shown by the elders and the congregation in general." I understand your position here. As you well know this is not the fault of the individuals in the congregation. You must lay the blame at the feet of the governing body. They are the ones who set the policies of keeping everyone so busy in "theocratic activities" that no one has time for anything else. Lack of concern was one of the straws that broke the camel's back for us. We took care of a brother in our home and when he died just before the district convention the Witnesses were too busy to show genuine concern. My nonJW cousin and her husband came to our house every day to show their support. They were appalled that our fellow Witnesses said in effect, "Keep warm and well fed."

I enjoyed your experience. Better late than never to wake up.

Reopened Mind

16

Interview with an Apostate: Reopened Mind

by Reopened Mind in

were you a born in or a convert?.

i loved science so naturally the conversation centered around the topic of evolution.

they placed with me the book did man get here by evolution or by creation?

Reopened Mind

Xanthippe: Having read Steve Hassan's books and other information on cults I have learned that all who exit cults share a commonality of experience. I too hope that someday I will be able to see and talk with my children and grandchildren without dancing around the WT.

freddo: Our oldest son sent us a scathing letter to cut off all contact with us, that is, unless we met his conditions. We replied with a card telling we loved him and his family unconditionally. We have talked recently with our youngest concerning "necessary family business".

cofty: It was my pleasure to share my story.

crmsicl: I would love to live closer to you as well. It never made sense to me that God would kill all those at Armageddon just because they had never been preached to. Couldn't he tell them personally?

LoisLane looking for Superman: You're welcome Lois and thank you for all the geneology info you have sent me.

TD: Fascinating? Really? The stories of others have been more interesting to me. I share mine because I think it is important for potential converts to read and for those who were converted to not be ashamed of being taken in by WT recruiters. Mind control is insidious and powerful.

Coffee House Girl: TotallyADD has been unable to post for a while as his computer died. He sends his greetings. How are you and Coffee House Guy doing?

love2Bworldly: Thank you for your concern about my children. I too hope someday for a relationship. Maybe when the grandchildren become adults.

happy@last: You're very welcome.

never a jw: It is for people like you that I posted my story.

Phizzy: I think personal stories combined with "the truth about the truth" are a powerful combination.

GromitSK: You're welcome.

Rip Van Winkle: You are welcome.

16

Interview with an Apostate: Reopened Mind

by Reopened Mind in

were you a born in or a convert?.

i loved science so naturally the conversation centered around the topic of evolution.

they placed with me the book did man get here by evolution or by creation?

Reopened Mind

Were you a born in or a convert?

It was the beginning of my 8 th grade school year in 1966 when I met two girls who were Jehovah’s Witnesses. I loved science so naturally the conversation centered around the topic of evolution. They placed with me the book “Did Man Get Here by Evolution or by Creation?” I read everything in the school library on the subject but couldn’t find where evolution was called a fact. They argued quite convincingly that it was only a theory and therefore not provable. (Thanks to Richard Dawkins today I know that is a fallacy.) One thing led to another and soon I was studying the little blue “Truth” book. My parents objected to my growing involvement with the JWs but didn’t know how to counter their arguments.

Are your parents / family JWs?

My parents were not nor ever became JWs. My husband, a born-in, and I raised two boys in the cult. They married JW girls and have given me four grandchildren. They still subscribe to the JW religion. For 22 years we were in the same congregation as my husband’s strong JW parents.

How many generations have been JWs?

I converted in my teens, therefore I am/was the first generation.

Did you hold any position in the WTS? (MS, Elder etc...)

I was and elder’s wife for 25 years, but didn’t have the right plumbing for any appointed position. I auxiliary pioneered for two years and was a regular pioneer for two years as well. I tried to convince myself that if I went out in service more I would like it. Like most I was more concerned with getting my time in than anything else. Walking subdivision streets in the 90 plus degree heat of the Florida summers was enough to wear anybody down!

Did you *really* believe in the bible, in spirits (angels, demons)?

This is where cognitive dissonance takes over. My authentic self couldn’t wrap my mind around unseen spirits. Naturally I spouted the party line about angels directing the work and demons inhabiting flea market items. At one time I threw away some items my parents had sent for the boys because I thought they were possessed. On the other hand I had quit praying for many years as I came to realize I was merely talking to myself.

Did you get baptised? When and why?

I was baptized in 1973 at the age of 20. Back then one was supposed to study the “Truth” book for 6 months, then get baptized. I procrastinated for about 6 years. When I moved out of my parents’ house I felt I could make a dedication and get baptized. Looking back I think the biggest reason I took the plunge was the fear of Armageddon in 1975. And I wanted to get married to have someone to go through the great tribulation with. I am still married to the same person I married in 1974 and we are both out.

What was the initial trigger that made you start questioning things?

Over the years we noticed how much better we were treated by nonJWs than by the brothers. For example we had a lawn mowing business. We were dumping our grass clippings on a brother’s property. When he heard we had bought a house his reasoning was, “If we could afford a house we could afford to pay him to dump our grass.” A neighbor who lived just behind our house then let us dump our grass there for free.

Shortly after we were married my husband had given a bid for a construction job. A brother overheard the bid and immediately underbid the job. Talk about being stabbed in the back!

Even though many other examples could be given over the course of my 38 years as a JW I kept telling myself I was serving Jehovah, not imperfect men. Little did I know I was really serving an organization run by imperfect men.

What started me researching the WT was an article in the January 2007 Gainesville Sun (Florida) about blood and Jehovah’s Witnesses by Kerry Louderback-Wood. She referenced the website ajwrb.org. I read all there was to read on that site, then I followed links all over the web, landing on JWD, JWfacts, freeminds, and a host of others. I must interject that back in 1982 on the day my second was born I was told if he didn’t receive a blood transfusion he would not live the day out. As good JWs we refused and he did not get blood. Long story short, he lived, thrived, and we were convinced the no-blood policy was of divine origin.

Of course when I started reading I learned much more than why refusing blood may not always be a good idea.

Where did you find information? Internet sites? Books?

As mentioned above my initial information came from the internet. I read Ray Franz’ two books and was impressed by his lack of bitterness. I read Randall Watter’s book “Refuting Jehovah’s Witnesses”. Some other books that helped were “Combating Cult Mind Control” and “Releasing the Bonds” by Steve Hassan. “The God Delusion” and The Greatest Show on Earth” by Richard Dawkins brought me back to my love of science.

How difficult or painful was the process of leaving?

At the time I was learning “the truth about the truth” my husband was the PO of the congregation. How was I going to tell him? He was a born-in who knew no other way of life. Not only that but he had done temp work at NY Bethel a couple times. Yet it was his time at Bethel that started him questioning. He couldn’t understand why the Society was spending so much money maintaining empty buildings. Neither could he understand how a global flood could have occurred. Well I researched the Flood for him and we began talking.

Was it a big dramatic exit or a careful quiet fade?

My husband stepped down as PO while both of us gradually slowed our field service activity. We bought a house a 1000 miles away in Pennsylvania in 2007 and moved in 2011. We did not DA and to our knowledge are not DFd.

Did you convince anyone else to leave with you?

My husband and I made the decision to leave together so that was mutual. We told both of our married boys we were leaving and why but the pull of their JW wives proved to be too strong for them to follow us.

How were your family relations affected by your decision?

My parents and my husband’s father were deceased when we left. His mother is still living in Florida and she doesn’t know we are no longer Witnesses. He has broken relations with her for other reasons. Our boys and their families are shunning us.

Were you or are you still being shunned by those who didn't leave?

Since we left the area we have not had any contact with anyone from our former congregations.

How long have you now been out?

My husband and I have been out mentally for 6 years and physically out for 4 years.

Was there anything you looked forward to doing when you left?

We opened and closed a donut shop. We love remodeling our log house. It has been a passion of ours to be as self-sufficient as possible by growing an organic garden (him) and learning the wild flowers of the area and their uses (me). We are trying to work this into a business to sustain ourselves.

What are you most proud of achieving since you left?

We have a modest comfortable home. We are growing a lot of our own food. We have made new friends who cannot possibly understand our background but accept us anyway. I gave the Sunday talk in our Unitarian Universalist congregation on “How to Recognize a Cult” that shared some of our experiences as Witnesses. I can’t imagine giving the Sunday talk at a Kingdom Hall.

Is there anything you miss about life in the congregation?

It is sad that both of us have been active in 3 different congregations in Florida and one in Tennessee yet have no real friends in any of them. To be honest, no one knows we have left.

Red pill or blue pill? Do you regret waking up to reality at all?

I am not familiar with the Matrix so don’t know which pill is which. Reality is far better than a dream which makes us slave for a false hope.

Did you become an atheist or transfer your faith elsewhere?

I was an agnostic before I became involved with the Witnesses. I have returned to agnosticism/ atheism/ humanism.

How do you now feel about religion in general?

I can only echo Rutherford’s words that “religion is a snare and a racket”. Generally speaking many people of faith are good moral people. There are too many mouthpieces saying they represent “God”. If he exists, why can’t he speak for himself? If “God” owns the whole universe, then why does he need anything from us? Would a good father demand total obedience and dependence from his children when they become adults? Would a good father kill his children for a small infraction of his ever-changing rules? Bottom line: Religion is a business that passes the authority buck to a made-up “God”.

Do you feel any guilt celebrating xmas or birthdays or doing any other JW "no-no"s?

For our first Christmas we traveled from FL to our house in PA to celebrate. No one knew us there. For our second Christmas we cut a branch of a pine tree and put it in our bedroom where no one could see. By our third Christmas we had moved to PA and have celebrated openly ever since. I felt a great deal of guilt at first but that has disappeared.

Have you attended any face-to-face meetups of ex-JWs?

We had a meet-up at our house on Labor Day week end the first year we moved to PA. A small group came who responded to our invitation on JWN.

Describe your circle of friends - mostly other ex-JWs or regular people?

First of all I wouldn’t separate ex-JWs from regular people. I have learned that “regular people” carry baggage of different sorts than ours. Our baggage just happens to be from the cult. That said, our circle of friends is mostly ordinary regular people from varied backgrounds.

Do you tell people about your JW past?

The first people we told of our JW past were my cousin and her husband who lived near us in FL. They knew we were JWs but like most figured it was a benign religion that knocked on people’s doors. We shocked them when we told them we were leaving and why. We were relieved at their acceptance.

When we moved to PA we kept our past pretty much to ourselves. As we began to tell our story to a select few we found more understanding and empathy that we had ever experienced in the Kingdom Halls. As I mentioned above I gave a talk to our Unitarian Universalist congregation telling some of our experiences in the cult.

I have been careful not to disclose my JW past to anyone at work. I work at an assisted living facility where there are 2 elderly active JWs. It would complicate matters if they found out I am a “mentally diseased apostate”.

Do you feel animosity or pity toward current JWs?

I have no animosity toward any individual JW or anyone who genuinely believes their faith and does their best to live a good moral life. That is not for me to judge. My ill will is directed towards the leaders of the WT and other religions who knowingly abuse their positions of power for their own gain.

How do you respond to witnesses when they call at your door?

We live in a rural area about 20 miles from the nearest Kingdom Hall. So far no one has called at our door when we were home. The only evidence of their activity has been an invitation left to a district convention about 100 miles from here. We had a good laugh from that.

Storm the barricades or tend to the wounded? (do you favor activism or support)

“Storm the barricades” is what I did as a Witness in field service. So I have had enough of that. I would rather share my story, letting people know they are not alone as they exit. I think talking to those who are not Witnesses may help them to not get involved in the first place.

What do you think is the most effective approach to reaching people still in?

To be honest, I don’t have any idea. It was different for both my husband and me. My husband suffers with ADD. When he went to a therapist (ironically a Witness therapist) and got on some medication he began to think more clearly and that led to him questioning and leaving.

Do you think the WTS can or should be destroyed, will continue on as-is or grow / change?

If the WTS is destroyed something more insidious will most likely take its place. That seems to be human nature to look for shortcuts for answers. There is also a strong need for community which religion gladly supplies. It will definitely change, but to what we will have to wait and see. Their own history has shown many many changes throughout the years. If I have learned one thing from being around mentally and emotionally challenged people it is that I cannot predict how they will react.

How has your life been impacted by your JW past?

I have children and grandchildren who shun us because we have left.

Are there things in your life you blame the WTS for?

I blame the WTS for their method of raising children. If I had not been in the cult I might have had a chance of raising normal children. Children need age appropriate activities, not endless field service, not being exposed to adult topics at the Hall, not being made to sit still and be quiet for hours on end.

JW upbringing - a protection or a curse?

I was not raised a JW so this question doesn’t apply to me. It was definitely a curse for my husband and my children.

How do you fill your time now it's not filled with meetings and field service?

I have more time for reading books and magazines of my choosing. My husband and I garden and preserve the harvest. We are active members of a Unitarian Universalist congregation.

Do you still have an interest in JW beliefs and doctrines?

I still have some interest in JW related things but that is fading.

How much of your time is still spent on JW related matters?

I pop into JWN every morning.

What do you think of the ex-JW community?

They are a varied bunch. I enjoy reading their stories and learning how they cope with life on the outside. The younger ones have a shot at making a better life for themselves. We older ones though have lost so much time that it is hard to recover from so much abuse.

Do you see yourself still being associated with the ex-JW community in 5 or 10 years time?

That is hard to say. Having been a JW for so much of my life it will always be a part of me. For now I feel a need to share my experiences.

Do you fear the future?

I don’t fear the destruction of the world by any supernatural forces. I do have the normal fears of making a living and having good health. I fear for my children and grandchildren’s future as long as they remain in the cult.

What advice would you give to anyone starting the journey of leaving the WTS?

Research, research, research, to convince yourself that you are making the right decision. Then it is important to form friendships outside the organization. Develop critical thinking skills so as not to be caught in another scam. For the younger ones, have a means of supporting yourself financially. Visit websites to learn from others’ experiences.

What would you change in your life if you could go back and talk to yourself?

I would have told myself to have finished my college education and developed critical thinking skills.

Do you have any regrets about life since you left?

I regret letting myself get talked into joining this cult. But then I would not have met and married my husband whom I love dearly. I regret that we didn’t leave together before we had children so they would have had a chance for a normal upbringing.

Can we read your life-story anywhere? (links to online or books)

I have posted bits and pieces here on JWN. I post on aawa.co. My husband and I were interviewed by Mad Sweeney on his Cult Free Radio.

Want to share your own story? Please use the Interview with an Apostate: Template and post it in the Personal Experiences & Reunions section with the title "Interview with an Apostate: [your name or alias]"